Bonnie out in the wilderness.

I used to think I had to climb all day on deer and elk trails, reach the highest peak, to really get “out there” into wilderness. I did so every chance I got. Then at 55, I developed Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and could barely walk to the bathroom.

During my most disabled years, I took myself back into the wilderness by remembering my favorite hikes in minute detail as I lay in bed. I could feel the ground, smell the butterscotch smell of the Ponderosa Pines. The wind blew my hair and there was always total silence – the so-alive silence of wild nature. And the memory gave me peace.

After a few years, I recovered to where I could walk a half hour or so without getting too sick afterwards. At this point, I met Barry who loves nature as much as I do. He invited me to go camping in his pick-up camper. The first time I stood at the edge of wilderness again, I could only cry. Then joy, a five minute walk from the road into roadlessness and the dancing silence of wild nature! Just a step or two, then lie on the ground, feel the earth’s heartbeat and rest. Finally rest.

These trips back to the real world calm my fears and fill me with peace. I feel held by the earth, understood by her, and she shows me by example how to go on.

Back at my trailer, I can lie on my yard and feel the heartbeat there, too, of course.

Wilderness is also in me. Being in wild nature reflects this back to me, and I am whole.

Thank you so much Broads, for your dedication to this green and living (conscious!) planet – our literal mother.

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